I was living in a state of turmoil. I was very confused as my internal and external worlds were very different. I am an unwanted child and since my childhood, I always compared myself with my younger brother. I never loved myself and neither my near and dear ones. I had become a rebel and life was nothing but a burden. I was unable to understand that why was all this happening to me?
I was going all kinds of issues, physical, mental, financial and social. The more I was trying to come out of these problems, the more I was going deeper in them. It felt as if everyone else knew everything and I was the puppet in the act. Life was nothing but a pain. In work front also, I was doing things but neither getting results nor the purpose of doing those jobs… I was just mindlessly moving on from one to another job. Without doing any wrong, I was convicted in a court case, police had the warrant in my name and to add to the woes, I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized. And that’s when I felt enough is enough, let me end my life…
At that point, something happened that changed the course of my life and that was me deciding to attend Navkruti’s Srijan program, facilitated by Chaina Karmakar. It’s been around nine months that I had attended the program, everyday one layer of my being is being peeled and I am able to look towards life and self in a new way. Every day is a new day and I have begun to live life…
Many a time, I get scared and I feel like leaving things but Chaina and Payal never leave my hand. They are with me always in better and in worse.
When I attended Srijan I had many physical and emotional issues which include 20 years old PMS, Skin disease and tumor. My weight was 96 kg. Since the last nine months, I have been following tools and techniques shared in Srijan on a daily basis and today I weigh 85 kg (without going through any diet or exercise regime). My skin disease and the tumor had disappeared on its own. Above all, I experience a sense of peace in my being.
Also, the shift has impacted my children and family as well. I eldest son, Samarth have Multiple disabilities (Autism, MR, CP, epilepsy, microcephalic). His brain to body connectivity has become better, emotional awareness has increased. Now he expresses his pain and anger. His speech has begun to come and his socialization with the external world has become better. He has become assertive, follows instructions better and sitting tolerance has also increased. He is able to understand and express his Identity.
For both my younger ones, their concentration, and focus has become better, academic and cognitive skills have enhanced and the youngest one, who is a slow learner could get a promotion to K.G class from Nursery after three years.
It’s been nine months and my family is out of any kind of medication. Situations are becoming better in all spheres of life. I am really grateful or shall I say that for the first time in my life, I am able to feel what love is.. Rather I am becoming love… Today I am leading an effortless easy life. I have a whole lot of gratitude towards life and the creator. I have realized that whatever is in our lives is a mere reflection of our energies.
To sum it up, I would say it was destined to meet Chaina Karmakar and for me, to me, Chaina Karmakar is the answer to all the questions. She is a pillar to me and showing me the light of life without making me dependent on her.