Rejection is an emotion which has shackled most of the people at the deepest layer consciously/unconsciously. Why we cannot handle rejection, why do we need approval every now and then? Why is approval so important that it unconsciously forces our actions and reactions most of the times?
Most of us didn’t get enough approval from our parents and hence we feel the rejection everywhere. Whoever triggers the emotion of rejection we start accumulating anger, grudges for that person sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously? But the fact is that the other person is just a trigger. We are carrying the emotion of rejection within us. So, as a matter of fact, we are responsible for the rejection we feel. Now, here we need to a decision for ourselves that for how long we will continue to blame the other person and will continue to remain a victim? Can’t we decide to take a step forward to be at peace with ourselves without any expectation of approval and acceptance?
Let’s understand this with an example.
Varuni feels deep love for Arush but Arush considers her as a very good friend but does not feel love for Varuni. So there is a mismatch in their expectations. Varuni expects love and Arush expects friendship. And the misery begins. Now Varuni perceives this as rejection and gets hurt and her expectation to receive love from Arush creates conflicts in the relationship and is slowly moving her towards depression.
Everyone perceives as per their emotions, thought process and belief system. So “our need” is also based on our perception. Let’s look at the situation from an observer point of view, Arush is not at all in picture, the conflict is all about Varuni’s needs, her perception, her expectations and the rejection that she feels when the needs are not met. Here the feeling of rejection that Varuni feels is the emotion that she is carrying; Arush is just triggering that emotion by not fitting in her schema.
In one sentence No one can’t approve or reject anyone. Not everyone would like every other person in the world. You are what you are. Some people would approve you, like you because your behavior matches their belief system and similarly some people would dislike you; disapprove you because you are not behaving as per their belief system.
The wisdom lies in accepting the fact that people are judging you, perceiving you as per their belief system and hence their rejection or approval of you is not about you… it’s about how they want to perceive you. They reject you when their expectations from you are not getting fulfilled.
In order to get approval from them, if you start behaving in the manner that fulfills their expectations and needs, then you are living life like a puppet in their hands.
The fear of rejection does not allow us “to be the way we want to be“ because every now and then we seek approval, acceptance for our actions and if we don’t get it that limits our actions. So we are always dependent or under pressure to prove ourselves. And in the process, we stop being our genuine authentic selves.
So the way out of this trap is to check, that whenever you experience an internal conflict while taking an action or doing something for someone, just ask yourself, are you doing this to seek their approval or you are doing it because you want to do it.
Subconscious mind carries the emotion of rejection which influences our actions in present. So the first step of freedom comes from awareness and…..Continue to ask yourself why the need of approval is bigger than life and our existence that we get stuck and do not realize that we are at pause and life is on hold.